thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
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