Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
