Where are you?
In a non slutty way
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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