Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
