forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Randomize
