Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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