Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
