The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
