did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
