smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
