if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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