It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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