I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
