I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
