Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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