I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
