Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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