my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
