reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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