I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
