i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
