He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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