Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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