They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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