Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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