I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Less talking, more tequila
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
