Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
