i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
