im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i dont even know how to be here
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
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