I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
