none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Houston, we have a squirter
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
