another moral hangover. fuck.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Text me some of your sweat
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
