sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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