I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
