remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
