Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
