Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
