Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Randomize
