You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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