I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
