Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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