So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
