yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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