if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
