remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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