JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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