I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
