Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I think people are normalizing furries
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize