This dress was meant to end up on your floor
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
