My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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