I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
