So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
