This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
