i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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