I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
