is wine microwaveable?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
