so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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