I wanna passion pit in your ass
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
