i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
