Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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