come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
