so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Randomize
