dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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