So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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