god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
