I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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