Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
How external is "for external use only"?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
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