Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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