Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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