normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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