If that was your dad, he is hot
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
