Define "chronic" masturbator.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
now i know why i became what i already was.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Randomize
