can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
It's official drugs can't kill me
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
