there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
