I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
