Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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