Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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