it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
