I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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