So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
