apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
